The Tricky Road Of Judgement

This last Sunday my pastor and friend Chad gave an incredible and compelling message about insecurities, inadequacy, and this little word – “comparison”. Comparison, he quotes Clive Staples Lewis, is the thief of joy. It was one of those church moments where the entire church breathed in a deep breath, and realized that comparison was stealing from them. We felt like victims, and we felt the call to take back what was stolen – our God given value.

I’ve been mulling over the message, and this idea of comparison.

And I’ve realized something since Sunday.

Most of us aren’t really victims of comparison.

We’re creators of it.

Let me explain.

The other day I was listening to a conversation about pregnant women. “Some women just use it as an excuse to gain whatever amount of weight they want!” “Some don’t even work out!” “I just don’t get that. Letting yourself go and all.”

It was a judgemental conversation to be sure. Lines were being drawn on what was “acceptable” and what was “horrid” for these women. The lines were real. Even if you couldn’t see them.

And then I thought to myself, What happens when that person talking crosses their own line? 

What happens when we judge… and later – we cross our own line?

I’ve heard people say things like this – heck – I’ve said things like this:

I never eat that kind of fast food. How gross!
Oh, wow. They went to that bar? Huh.
I’ll never understand parents that let their kids run wild.
I absolutely hate people who take forever with their baggage at the TSA check points. We’ve got somewhere to go TOO people!
People are terrible drivers on Sundays!
They think they’re so cool because they have a fancy car!
Oh my gosh – I never shop there. GHE-TTO!

The judgement stacks up. And stacks up. And is stored in our hearts for later usage. Until one day – we cross our own line.

We let your kid run wild. We buy that double cheese-burger. We take a long time at TSA. We end up with a luxury SUV.

And then, the personal judge and jury come forth – to judge you with the judgement we’ve. We created the line. We created the standard of measurement – what we are to “compare” ourselves to. And, like all of humanity. We failed to measure up.

Jesus puts it this way:
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Mt.7:1-2

Judgement is a tricky road. The thing about judgement, is it hurts you. It hurts me. Much more than the recipient of our judgement. We create massive platforms of measurements when we judge.  Huge ultimatums for all types of actions, looks, abilities, and failures. And like the Law of Moses we crash and burn in our efforts to measure to such heights.

We create these terrible comparisons.

Instead – we should be graceful. Merciful. Comfortable enough in our God to say, “even when I don’t agree, I’m not the judge.” And then letting it go. This grace will come back around to us, reminding us that we don’t need to measure ourselves – because God’s our judge.

Don’t create comparisons today by judging others. Free them – and yourself by offering grace, understanding, compassion and love.

Until next time,

An Un-stolen Joy

Joy is a profound emotion.

It’s powerful. Resolute. Sustaining. Like the morning sun breaking the night at dawn, joy eliminates all other competing emotions in one fell swoop. A good night of laughter with friends. A morning with your spouse drinking coffee and enjoying an unhurried life. Watching animals dart about in the spring-time – alive again with new life. All of these things bring great, great joy.

And nothing, I believe, brings as much joy as the unfettered grace of our King.

As David writes in the Pslams there is a power that comes when we are restored the joy of our salvation. 

The only thing is, you have an enemy. I have an enemy. And quite honestly, this enemy is bent of stealing, killing and destroying you and I. Salvation would be the first thing he hopes to destroy. He will distract the hand of a woman before she receives Christ. He will tell a man he’s too strong and self-reliant for the Gospel. As quick as salvation is offered, the enemy hopes to steal it away.

And if he can’t have that – then he’s hoping to take the joy of it.

Your enemy is hoping, day in and day out… to steal your joy.

So he will remind you of all you don’t have. He will bring up that worry. He will instill in you a still small voice of fear. He will aim your mind and heart at things you can’t control, and whisper that you should at least – try – to control them. He will take your trophy or your achievement, or your beautiful life and make it seem small.

See, because the enemy knows he can’t have your victory. That was sealed the day Christ rose from the dead. So instead, he will make the victory seem insignificant. He will make your freedom seem faint. He will cloud the beauty of it all.

The enemy would love nothing more than your joy.
But the truth be told, he can only steal it with your consent.

Today, remind that enemy of your victory. Remind him of the cross. Remind him of your wonderful friends. Your freed up heart. Your focused mind. Remind him that your joy is not for sale. It’s not up for grabs.

Nothing is worth your loss of joy. And if you have somehow forgotten it, remind yourself of it today. May you walk in the joy of your salvation. May your joy be un-touchable.

Decision Making 101

Decision Making. The largest gift and probably the plague of this generation of up-and-coming young professionals. While partially I think it’s our own fault, on a larger scale I think decisions are truly harder today than they were 80 years ago.

As a young adult today, you are no longer just faced with either/or decisions. You either A.) work at your father’s mechanic shop or B.) you apprentice with the accountant down the street. Either/or decisions, at least for today’s 20-something, exit the moment they graduate from school.

The typical young adult today will be faced with hundreds of options the moment they receive their diploma. You could further your education. You could get married. You could join the army and travel. You could pursue a high paying job, or start a non-profit. As a woman, your choices are no longer set in 1945. You can go to college if you want, grad school. You can get high paying jobs, work part-time and start a family. Work full-time and start a family. Guys too. You could work, or be a stay-at-home dad. You could pursue the arts, study botany, become a day-trader, become a hippie, work for your dad, work for your neighbor, get on welfare, move out of the house, stay with the folks, wait tables or travel the world.

The world is your oyster.

So why are 20-somethings so afraid?

I think the largest fear, if I had to guess, is this proverbial idea of God’s specific will, or rather “missing out” on God’s will. Without going into a ton of detail, (we will save it for a later post), I believe this fear is without stock. The Bible is clear that God’s “will” is for everyone to be saved, for people to marry believers, for us to flee from sin and the like. His will is rarely if ever talked about in the fashion we talk about today: “Is God’s will for me to move to Botswana or marry Roger?”

While it would probably be nice if God lit up a highway sign with His “will” for you, (“JOSH: TAKE THE JOB IN SAN DIEGO.”) that’s truly not the way it works in scripture, and it’s not the way He operates today. God desires for you to be A.) saved, and B.) sanctified. After that… the choice is yours.

Besides, lit up highway signs take very little faith… and without faith, it’s impossible to please God.

So, what about making choices?

The Bible is clear about making wise choices. Moreover, life in Jesus has taught me a few things about pursuing decision making in the Lord. Here’s a few thoughts to take or leave on a Monday:

• Seek Wise Counsel

Seek someone who is living the kind of life you hope to live. If your decision is about marriage – ask someone whose marriage you admire. If your question is about career, ask someone who handles their professional life with grace and forethought. If it’s about money, ask the debt-free friend. This should go without saying, but do not ask your single buddy your your divorced brother-in-law if you should marry that girl. Don’t ask your broke friend if you should buy that car. Having a consistent and phone-call-away mentor in your life is truly irreplaceable.

Seek wise counsel often.

• Check Your Motives

Motive checking is a great way to see where you really stand with something. In the Psalms, David asks God to search him, and find the anxious thoughts. He asks God if there is an “offensive way” within him. He asks all this right before he asks God to lead him down an “everlasting path”. David is saying – “check your motives, and you’d have a better idea of which path is ‘everlasting'”.

As Andy Stanley asks in a decision making series: Why are you wanting this really? Why do you really want to go to Europe? Why do your really want that lower paying job? Why do you really want to skip that date with that guy? Clear motives give you peace once you make a choice. A clear heart about a scenario will make it easier to truly define what it is you really want.

• Set a Time Limit

This is something that I learned from a friend and wise counselor. When in a crunch to make a decision, set boundaries for yourself. Indecision, while it may seem safe is actually Satan’s playground. Your mind, heart and emotions are all up for grabs as you waiver back and forth between choices. To ease this, remind yourself that God is a God of order, not confusion. (1Cor. 14:33) The more confused you are, the less God is being invited into your equation. Secondly, set a time limit.

I normally give it a couple days to a week. I ask God to quicken my heart to a decision that is good, and to make my heart “come alive” towards one decision over the other. And then I call it. By 9AM on Saturday of next week, I have to choose. No ifs ands or buts. While this may seem formulaic, it allows you to rest in God and His guidance. It is up to Him to quicken your insides towards a resolution, and your only job is to wait on Him.

• Step Out In Courage

I say often that I think courage is akin to faith. Having courage is having guts to step out for a vision that is not yet realized. Once you have made a decision, you go after it. Your heart is no longer allowed to waiver, your mind is no longer allowed to be tossed about. This is the scariest and most rewarding part of the whole deal. Your emotions may flare up at times, but having resolve in your choice is so pleasing to God.  God loves the faithful people. The people who choose and go all-in. As hard as it is to realize – indecision is not wisdom, but cowardice. God receives glory from courageous followers.

• Grace, grace, and more grace. 

Give yourself grace as you walk out the new choice and the new season that comes with it. Truly, making a choice will more often mean that your life becomes harder and less predictable. If you take that job, you will have to move, get a new set of friends, find a way to get home for the holidays and adjust to living alone. If you choose to date that guy, that means you need to let go of your walls, become vulnerable in a way you haven’t before and enjoy the joy and terror of falling in love.

Through all of it, God does not expect you to handle yourself perfectly. And you shouldn’t either. He will give you immense grace through your new season, and He will receive immense glory for your courageous heart.

May you rest in the Lord with your new decisions. May you choose courage over indecision. And may all your choices be used for His kingdom. Amen and Amen.

Under Construction

The other day I came home and let the dogs out, took off my shoes and started to make dinner. It was  my usual coming home routine. I’m downloading the day, maybe I work out a bit, watch Modern Family.

On this particular night, though, I found my thoughts wandering to a few interactions I had had that day with friends and co-workers. While I was trying hard to avoid thinking about it, I slowly started to realize that my handling of my relationships could have been better. Way better. I was quick tongued and slow-brained in dealing with these friends, and I was feeling what Jon calls “godly sorrow” that night.

Even more embarrassing, is I’m in ministry. I wouldn’t want a Pastor who was idiotic like I was that day, I thought. My goodness, I feel foolish. It was a moment with gravity where I realized I have come far in Christ, and yet am so terribly flawed even still.

My desire is to love my friends well. Love people well. Love the people I minister well. Love God well. And I would say most of the time this is true by God’s power at work in me. But like Paul says in Romans, sometimes the things I desire to do… I don’t really do.

Not really.

After initial disappointment, there comes freedom though, because I realize that being imperfect in Christ’s hands is the best place to be. And that being reminded of your process of sanctification isn’t so bad.

I’m under construction.

You’re under construction.

We all have times where we think: I want to do this. I ought to treat people this way. I shouldn’t feel that way towards them. I want to give this way.

There are things we know we ought to do. But like Paul said: We don’t always do those things we know are most right.

Thankfully, Paul goes on and says “thanks be to God” because someday… all this process of becoming more like Christ will find it’s completion. The things you want to do won’t just be wants, but reality. The perfection you wish you had won’t just be a wish but an actualized thing. Some day, when your body is old and withered, and and you understand that you get to see Jesus soon, all of that construction comes to an end. Thanks be to God. Someday, you’ll see perfection.

Until then, embrace the construction. And give yourself grace as you go. As Ruth Graham put on her tombstone:

“End of Construction. Thank you for your patience.”

The Grace in Getting Caught

My mom had an old clock on our fireplace mantle since the time I could remember. It was gold, and intricate, with the wheels and cogs exposed. It was encased in glass, and really, I remembered as a kid It made me think of the something out of the Roaring 20’s.

At some point in my imaginary games, I pretended I was a bank clerk, and would force my little sister to come and open bank accounts and withdraw money (I was a weird, weird kid). Anyway, I took the clock because it looked very “bankish” to me. It sat on my desk, as I counted Monopoly money.

When I was bored with the game, I took the clock back to the mantle. As I did the glass unlocked from the base, the clock spiraled downward, and in my hysteria I dropped the glass case as well.

Glass, cogs and wheels were everywhere.

My heart dropped.

There is an overwhelming feeling that comes in wrong-doing. A sense of worry, the sweat of guilt. Millions of half-thoughts race through your brain. What about the punishment, what will be said by mom? What will happen to me? (And if you’re like me,) Can I blame my sister??

And then there is a second wave of emotions, and thoughts.

This set comes milliseconds after the first, and it has to do with the cover-up. I’m 99.8% sure that this set of thoughts and emotions come from Lucifer himself. This set of thoughts, has to do with hiding, escaping, or covering what was done in some way. The emotions are high, the conniving is strong, the plan to cover is prominent.

For a 9-year-old, the second set of thoughts looks like hurriedly picking up glass and cogs, putting them in a bag, and hiding them. In the garage.

I remember picking everything up with amazing speed. I picked up each wheel, the damaged clock face. I swept the extra glass, and the tiny springs. Then I ran out to the garage to find a place to put it. There was a storage unit my dad never used; perfect for storing my shame.

Amazingly, mom never asked about the clock. I’m not even really sure she saw that it was gone. And so, the plan worked.

So why didn’t I feel better?

It would be months before mom found the clock remains. One Sunday, I remember walking out of our back door, through the garage to run to a neighbors. Mom was getting up from her knees with a bundle.

“Jessie,” she asked, “what’s this?” She was being earnest, not condemning.

I sat in shock for a moment.

“Did my clock break?”

I hesitated, wondering if I should lie. I really, really wanted to lie. But for some reason I didn’t, and then I told her what happened. I broke her clock, but worse than that, I hid it. I was sorry… really sorry. I cried, mostly because I was sad that I lied to my mom. Hiding my mistake had put a strain on our relationship I didn’t even know was there.

I searched her face for anger, frustration, punishment. Anything. What came next surprised me.

“Well, it was old, anyway!” She said, completely unfazed, and walked it over to the trash.

Getting caught, it would seem, felt quite unlike I thought it would.

In the Bible, God talks often about our mistakes. I just read this nugget today:

“You will be ashamed because of the sacred oaks in which you delighted, you will be disgraced because of the gardens you have chosen.” – Isaiah 1:29

Shame, embarrassment and disgrace are terrible things to carry around. The weight is immense. You feel sick, unwell, unright. But like Adam and Eve in the garden, shame would prefer to run and hide than to be exposed. Cover it up. And fast, shame whispers. When I read the Garden account, I see this play out. Shame, running for it’s life and hiding. And then I hear God’s tone when He calls out to them.

If God was angry at the choice of the tree, he was absolutely broken-hearted at the choice to hide from Him.

Shame does that. It hides.

But getting caught, well, let’s talk about that. I can picture God wandering through the woods, already knowing exactly where Adam is, and calling out to him. He wanders and wanders, until He comes to their hiding place. Leaves cover their disgrace. They’ve been found out. And honestly, I have to think at that moment that they both exhaled.

Sinning felt terrible, but hiding from God – felt much, much worse.

Thankfully, God says that everything that is hidden with come to light. A statement I am glad for:

“For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light.” – Mark 4:22

Like little kids, we exhale and delight as God pulls away the shroud, opens our hearts, uncovers the clock remains. And almost instantly, the gift and sheer grace of repentance sets in. Repentance, the beauty of coming undone before God. The relief of coming clean. The wonderment of a second chance. The unbelievable gift of the burden of falsehood being lifted.

We don’t have to pretend anymore. We’ve been found out. And it feels incredible.

For those of you with insides that are burdened because of past shame, this post is for you.

May you accept the grace of getting caught tonight. May God’s kindness lead you to sweet, sweet repentance. May we more boldly come to the throne, confessing ourselves before hiding away. And may you accept the relief of being found out, by a God who desires nothing more, than an unhidden child.

Amen.

A Tale of Two Brothers

Every family has a party boy.

Or girl.

Picture your family for a moment. Your brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews, nieces. I bet you can name at least a couple that have went off the deep end. Drugs. Alcohol. Maybe they had a baby at 16. Maybe they never held down a job. Maybe they stole, from other family members if need be, to pay for their lifestyle.

The family may have never said it, but behind the silence when their name came up at holiday gatherings was a general knowing. They’re a train-wreck. And we all know it.

The thing about party-boys and wild-child-girls, is that their degeneracy is out there flying like a flag in the wind. Or rather, dirty laundry in the wind. Every one can see it. Everyone can smell it.

For the majority of us, however, have a depravity that looks good to the world.

A woman manipulates co-wrokers and family members to get ahead in life. And get ahead she does. A dad zones-out in front of the television to escape the stress of his day – he can run a multi-million dollar corporation but he can’t figure out how to talk to his wife. A 30-something has a glass of wine to deal. Or two. It’s after work, in the quiet of their home, and it’s the only thing that eases the loneliness. A mom is a control freak. She runs PTA and local fundraisers, but at home her husband and kids know all to well that if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

Maybe you’re a worrier.
Or you fake your way through life.
Maybe you take roles in your church to feel important.
Maybe you eat to deal.
Maybe you work longer hours.

We all have our tendencies that come – not from God, but from an inward force the Bible calls our flesh. Which sounds totally gross. Flesh. Everything we were before we met Him. Not just our choices, good or bad, and not just our sins – but our very selves.

The Younger Brother
Every family has a party boy. We’ll call this one Prod. Prod asks his father for cash. Not just that, but Prod asks for the cash that he would have gotten if and when his father died. I don’t know about you, but I can’t really picture going to my father and asking for the money he would give me when he died. I have a feeling that would put a damper on our relationship.

But Prod does. He goes, asks for the money and leaves. He never calls. Never writes. As far as his family knows, maybe he’s dead. That’s how far off the deep end this guy goes.

While he’s away, he spends money on hookers. Lots of them. He picks up the bar tab. And then hits up another bar. He tries one drug. Then another. He buys things he can’t afford, and soon everyone knows who he is – the guy who picks up bar tabs. He parties. And parties hard, until every twenty-dollar bill is gone.

While sobering up he tries to get part time work, but he can’t pay rent. He goes to his so-called friends for cash, but they’ve moved on to another guy with a nice suit. He goes from eating steak to ramen, and pretty soon his cupboards are bare, and collections are calling his cell phone that’s about to be turned off.

He loses his apartment, and sleeps on a couch for a month, until the friend with the couch kicks him out. He goes to a shelter, to eat. He sleeps in the streets. Pan handles.

At some point, Prod has an awakening inside, and decides that even if his dad is forever angry with him – going home is better than the cold, hard cement. And so he goes home.

The Older Brother
Every family has the do-gooder. We’ll call this one John. When Prod left the house, it was John who consoled his mom, and picked up extra chores around the house. Realizing the opportunity to please his dad even more, John worked, hard to be a good son. The best son. He managed his dad’s second business, took over the laborious parts of the yard work, and did all he could to earn affection from his dad.

The Dad, and the Party
The crazy part about this story is not how different the sons are, but how equally the father would and does lavish gifts of love. See, a party is thrown for the kid who messed up. A big party with lots of food, drink and dancing. A really, really happy party.

John, however, is miffed. What, no party for him? No lavish drink? He was the son who did right. Who done good. Who stood by…

What the dad says here speaks to every human being who tries to “flesh” their way through life to get what they want, or what they need:

My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found. – Luke 15:31-32

Regardless of do-right, or do-wrong, it would seem that neither affect the father’s affection. My Son – you are always with me… everything I have is yours.

Pointless Wrap-Sheets
The tale of two brothers isn’t just about the Prodigal. It’s not really about the older son either. The real star of the show is the Father.

Here the Dad looks at two sets of flesh – one a do-gooder who internally still finds himself wanting, and a party-boy, whose want leads him down a dark path. Both sons grossly misunderstand their Dad. And because of that, try to do their life their way, to get needs met in their fashion.

Can you see yourself in this story yet?

Are you the son or daughter who has wandered far from home? Who has tried desperately to fill a need and a void with worldly affections?

Or are you the elder son or daughter? Whose self-motivated ways are less notable, but no less destructive?

One may look dirtier but they are both the remnants of a broken soul. God doesn’t care about your wrap sheet. Even if you do.

And then we have the Dad. Who in a heart-beat would throw you a party. Who would dress you in fine clothes. Give you a ring. A giant bear-hug. Give you his everything.

May you understand the words of your Daddy God today – that do-gooders and party-boys alike, may approach the throne of grace with confidence. Knowing that their Father is the Father who says:

“You are always with me – everything I have is yours.“

Who You Are When No One Is Looking

I love Britney Spears.

So judge me. I truly could care less – because I love Britney Spears. I love her dancing, I love her songs, and I have seen her in concert twice. She’s uh-mazing. Growing up I seriously wanted to be Britney. She was a sweet home-town girl who made it big and still had her Southern accent. She was a Christian girl when I met her – sweet, beautiful and talented.

…And then Brit left her mic on backstage one show.

I think we all remember. F-bombs were dropped and gossip spewed out about her production team and crew, and suddenly, my image of Brit shifted from years prior.

And then she shaved her head… So you know, it didn’t get better after that.

But I was thinking about it today: everyone is someone backstage.

We all snicker at the tabloids when someone’s diet pills are exposed in the latest edition of People or when we discover that so-and-so blew up at some posh restaurant’s waiter for getting their beverage order wrong. But the reality is – normal people like you and I don’t have a camera following us into our weaker moments.

No one sees you pick your nose. Or hears what you say to drivers in holiday parking lots. No one sticks their head through your kitchen window to see the mess that sat there for two weeks. Or how you treat your children at that ungodly hour on Saturday morning. Or your spouse. No one sees your internet trail, or how often your read your Bible. No one knows what your give or don’t give to the poor.

So, who are you when no one is looking? Who are you backstage?

And, reflecting on that – how would you treat people differently?

I don’t think the main point of my post is to remind us to brush up who we are behind closed doors. I think my hope is to remind us to give some slack to the people who have recently been exposed. To give out what God gives us. Relentless, undeserved grace.

Give grace to the frustrated mom in the grocery line. Give help to the neighbor who’s wife just left him. Give rides to the man with the DUI.

Casting stones is easy for us, and will always be a temptation. But Jesus reminds us – if you think you’re flawless backstage, go ahead – pass judgement. Otherwise, we’d be wise to forgive and show the compassion that’s been given to us.

May you receive God’s acceptance and grace for the nose-picking side of you, and may you offer it to others this holiday season.