Letters To A 20-Something. Love, An Almost 30-Something

In two weeks I will clip my third decade on this earth. While grade school and high school were fun, I have to say that this last decade has outdone the other two by leaps and bounds. Your 20’s are special. So special. First loves. First college classes. First jobs. Not to mention the possibility of meeting your spouse, taking on a new adventure, running a marathon, starting a non-profit. The great thing about your 20’s is that the sea is as wide open as your imagination. But possibly, that’s why it’s so frightening too.

And so, I’ve decided to write a letter to a 20-Something. In hopes that you will glean even more than I did in this fabulous time of life.

Move a Bit.
I think the #1 thing a young adult can do is move. AWAY. I think it’s really healthy to stretch your legs, hug mom and dad, and go live in another state for a while. In doing this, you realize so much of who you are away from the patterns that have been your life for 18+ years. Go to school out-of-state. Get a summer job in another state. Get a full-time job in another state. While I think that family is irreplaceable, I also think that autonomy in your 20’s is a must. I traveled a ton during college and after, and would live away from home for every internship I had. Those experiences are like gold to me. So much growth in such a short amount of time.

Find Your Sage.
Youth in today’s culture is overrated. We value young people on a level we never have in human history. The problem here, is that the people who truly hold wisdom, life experiences, and knowledge are underrated. The Bible is very clear about the role that mentors play in our lives. Older women leading younger ones, older men showing the young men the ropes. So, here’s my advice. Find someone you would want to be like in 10 years. Do you like their marriage? Their character? Their poise? Their career? Then ask them to walk with you in life for a couple of years. Ask lots of questions. Listen more than you talk. Understand as much as you can. Glean as much as you can. I promise you that my favorite lessons from my 20’s came from those 5 steps ahead of me, not from my peers.

Make A List.
I tell all of the 20-Somethings from my young adult ministry this, and they are probably tired of hearing it, but… make a list! And by that, I mean, make a list of all the attributes you would like your spouse to have. I tell everyone I know to make a list, and to get specific. Really specific. If you’re a follower of Jesus, your list should have on it that you are equally yoked. That you both desire God on the same level. Do you want them to be funny? Respectful towards waitresses? Do you want them to be tender-hearted? Head-strong? Like the music you like?

Being specific will help you identify quality men and women when they enter your life. But more importantly, it will help you easily identify losers when they enter your life. You won’t waste time or your precious heart on people that don’t measure up. I seriously can’t overemphasize this. Make a list! Get specific!

Steer Clear of Idiocy.
I heard once a not-so-great piece of advice from an older person about your 20’s. “Your 20’s are just like your teens, except you can drink!”. How poignant that statement is. In a lot of ways, your early 20’s are just like your teens, except for you are given endless amounts of freedom, and endless amounts of ways to be idiotic. Have fun, don’t be a pharisee, but truly, avoid the idiotic. Don’t sleep with that guy. I know you have the freedom to now, but don’t. Don’t let alcohol be the thing you decide to have in access. Don’t get involved with the wrong crowd. The one that only uses their freedom to get themselves into some kind of slavery. Steer clear of that stuff. I promise you – you can have unbelievable amounts of fun without that. More fun in fact. And you will fill your life and heart with things that matter, things of substance and avoid a lot of drama and heart ache.

Step Out.
In your 20’s you have loads of insecurities. You think everyone is paying attention to you, everyone is seeing if you will succeed or not, everyone is waiting with bated breath to see if you will make it. Ok. Here’s the deal. They’re not. Looking back, I can honestly say no one was watching me to see how I would do. That being said, now’s the time to step out BIG. In a way where you could possibly fail. Go for that job. Try-out for that thing. Make that move to Nashville. The great thing about your 20’s is that if you do fail, it really doesn’t affect you in huge ways. You’re family isn’t at stake. You don’t have mouths to feed (maybe your own, but you can figure that out – you’re smart!) You don’t have a house payment yet. So, if you mess up… it will hurt a bit, but not much. And you will learn how to fail gracefully. A trait I am still learning and hope to learn more about in my 30’s. So, do it. Go for it. Fail, and fail big. I promise you, no one is watching!

Gain Discipline.
This is something that I started to learn about much more in my late 20’s. My early 20’s I spent in the chaos of no schedules, rhythms or  disciplines. Which, honestly I think is ok for a while. But by your late 20’s, you should come to value discipline. Getting into the word daily (something I still struggle with), working out regularly, sleeping on a schedule. If you want to be a musician, make sure practice is a discipline for you. If you want to be a college proff, understand the significance of regulating your studying. The older you get, the more discipline will work in your favor. You’ll do more in less time, and have time to spend with your family and leisure. So, start small, and work up to it. Read your Bible for 5 minutes a day at a specific time. Wake up at a certain hour, even if it’s later than you would hope. Regulate your exercise, discipline yourself to focus and work within specified hours. Find your rhythm. I promise you, your mind and body will thank you later.

Start Liking You, And Enjoying God.
One of my favorite books of all time is The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee.  The books entire premise is about finding your significance in God. It’s clear, powerful, and life changing. Understanding my identity in Christ is seriously irreplaceable. I’m secure, safe, loved and significant. No matter what job I have, where I live, how much money I make or don’t make, no matter how great people think I am, or how lame they think I am – my significance to God is unchanging. It’s like a license for unadulterated confidence. So, make it a priority: over the next decade, understand more and more the way God views you. Start liking you, and enjoying God.

My final piece of advice would be to relax. This is such an adventurous time for you. Enjoy it. Soak it up. Go on road trips. Have late night talks about life and God. Enjoy each season, I promise you that even the crappy seasons have so many lessons within them. Live big, and live well. Until next time,

An Almost 30-Something

Who You Are When No One Is Looking

I love Britney Spears.

So judge me. I truly could care less – because I love Britney Spears. I love her dancing, I love her songs, and I have seen her in concert twice. She’s uh-mazing. Growing up I seriously wanted to be Britney. She was a sweet home-town girl who made it big and still had her Southern accent. She was a Christian girl when I met her – sweet, beautiful and talented.

…And then Brit left her mic on backstage one show.

I think we all remember. F-bombs were dropped and gossip spewed out about her production team and crew, and suddenly, my image of Brit shifted from years prior.

And then she shaved her head… So you know, it didn’t get better after that.

But I was thinking about it today: everyone is someone backstage.

We all snicker at the tabloids when someone’s diet pills are exposed in the latest edition of People or when we discover that so-and-so blew up at some posh restaurant’s waiter for getting their beverage order wrong. But the reality is – normal people like you and I don’t have a camera following us into our weaker moments.

No one sees you pick your nose. Or hears what you say to drivers in holiday parking lots. No one sticks their head through your kitchen window to see the mess that sat there for two weeks. Or how you treat your children at that ungodly hour on Saturday morning. Or your spouse. No one sees your internet trail, or how often your read your Bible. No one knows what your give or don’t give to the poor.

So, who are you when no one is looking? Who are you backstage?

And, reflecting on that – how would you treat people differently?

I don’t think the main point of my post is to remind us to brush up who we are behind closed doors. I think my hope is to remind us to give some slack to the people who have recently been exposed. To give out what God gives us. Relentless, undeserved grace.

Give grace to the frustrated mom in the grocery line. Give help to the neighbor who’s wife just left him. Give rides to the man with the DUI.

Casting stones is easy for us, and will always be a temptation. But Jesus reminds us – if you think you’re flawless backstage, go ahead – pass judgement. Otherwise, we’d be wise to forgive and show the compassion that’s been given to us.

May you receive God’s acceptance and grace for the nose-picking side of you, and may you offer it to others this holiday season.

Disciples vs. Believers

One of the things that I thank God for is the ability to see the “could-be” in other people.

Maybe the world sees a corner-standing, wallflower of insecurity -maybe even that individual sees something – small. I have always been able to see the bigger. The more. The God-card.

Truth be told, without Christ, we are all just wandering earth-patrons, tinkering with half-asked dreams and partial fulfillments. The carrot on the stick thing. Without Him, we all are less than small. Romans says that we are death without Christ.

But thanks be to God.

Because of God – here we are. Erect. Able. Full-bodied. Full-Spirited. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. That’s the God-card.

The difference between people who just believe in Jesus, and disciples who change the world is the level to which we see God-cards in others. Truly, after salvation, I think God cares a great deal about our faith – in Him, yes, but also in others. 

Making believers is hard. Making disciples… people who live out their call in the hand of God… that’s a might bit harder. They may look the same. They may talk the same… but believers and disciples are as different as pretty flowers and the dirt stained farmers who plant them. One was built to look good, the other to, well, work what looks good.

Maybe you’re at a point where you’re ready, not just to follow Christ, but to see potential in others. That probably means you’re ready to disciple. May you walk with a person into the full-reality of their calling, and may you always see the God-card in the wallflower.

God’s Classroom.

Spiritual growth is a benefit, but not necessarily a give-in in our lives.

We all have friends who are believers, who have some how managed to live out 5-10 years of their lives, and they are still gossipers, still prideful, still angry, still a victim. For them – spiritual growth is possible, but obviously, it’s not a give-in.

If we choose to submit, however, God will take us through seasons that while they seem normal, trying, rough or strange – actually have a purpose of growing us, “from glory to glory” (2 Cor 3:18).

There are three types of growing that I have seen God facilitate in my life.

Stretching: “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you” – 1Peter 4:12
I think that we often think that our lives, if we are living right, should be without “fiery ordeals”.  We think that if we are righteous, and devoted, and love God, that we get to opt out of things that send us to our knees. Not so. God’s first growth tool is what I call stretching circumstances. These are long, extended periods of stress, that reveal to us if our lives are, in actuality, found in Christ, or found in ourselves. More often then not, we figure out how much our lives are in our hands in these seasons, and how much our needs are met through our own devices. The stretching continues, not letting up for months, possibly years. The job never comes, the finances never settle, the boss never lets up, the kids still push buttons.

Paul writes emphatically: don’t be surprised here. In other words – this isn’t something that should rock you so hard you think it’s out if God’s hands. It’s not. It’s of His plans for you. His strategy for your heart. He knows that the stretching times will be the only thing that moves you away from your skills, and into His abilities. And that the stretching will ready you for things you had never imagined.

Training:
These are the spiritual growth seasons, where we believe we are fit to lead, but instead we are constantly put under someone to be led. In other words, we think we should be a chief, but God makes us an indian. Make no mistake that these seasons are of His making, to train us into a role. The reality is, if He hasn’t given you the reigns over something, you are most likely untrained for it. We all want to jump the gun here, break our cocoon before our wings are ready, and lead troops before we’ve become a soldier. God is good enough to temper us under another’s wings. We are trained here, and shouldn’t waste a second of the time. God will lift up those who humble themselves. Normally this is humbling ourself under another human, not just God Himself.

Testing: “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation.” – 1Peter 4:12
The third growth circumstance I have seen is where God gives us areas where we can try out a skill. This is normally in an uncomfortable setting, where more than just our skills are required, but also faith that God will pull through. God gives you a role that’s too big for you – and then begins the testing. We’ve learned through stretching and training to rely on God alone, and now He gives you a role to practice it in. It’s a testing, where the gold stars go to those who trust in Him above themselves.

So – has some fiery ordeal come upon you? Does it feel like some strange thing is upon you? Is the role too big for you? The task too large? The odds insurmountable? Good.

Consider yourself in God’s classroom. He is stretching you, training you, testing you. And all to His glory.

May you find a joy in the fiery ordeals, may you feel alive in your trials, and may you revel in your underdog experiences. He has great things for you ahead.

How To Prioritize Your Life (In 10 Minutes or Less)

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

-Psalm 139:2-6

Ok.

It’s morning. Today I will: 1.) get my transcripts sent off, 2.) buy dog food, 3.) buy that special face wash across town, 4.) sign us up for new homeowners insurance, 5.) clean the house, 6.) take the dogs to the dog park, 7.) decide the direction for the Young Adults Retreat, 8.) eat, 9.) Clean the bathrooms, 10.)…

Sometimes I look at my life and believe it to be directionless. Like, there’s a lot of stuff I could do but I have no idea which ones are most important or why. I’ve read articles in Marie Claire about prioritizing… I’ve read books about prioritizing. How it’s all just small stuff and I don’t need to sweat it. But I’m still sweating. Anyone? Or is it just me?

There are so many things I could do in life. On a day off. Throughout a week. There are so many goals I could be shooting for. But which ones?

I’m coming from the camp that believes that there’s a best thing or a best way. I would like to do it that way, please!

Sunday at Red Rocks Church, my pastor and boss Shawn talked about reading God’s word first. Sheepishly, I realized I do not read my bible daily for myself. I study it for a lot of reasons, but definitely not daily. And definitely not for my life direction. I know. I know. I should know better right?

So the last two days I’ve just been consuming His word in small portions when I wake and after work. And I re-realized something I learned a long time ago. That when I read His word, He prioritizes for me. The pressure is suddenly off, friend! I haven’t fretted or worried an once about what I should be doing or how. I’ve just read, journaled, prayed a bit, and let Him add everything else. He tells us, that if we seek Him first, He adds the rest (Matthew6:33)! What a relief! What a blessing!

So what about you? Are you overwhelmed with a decision? Anxious about the paths you’re choosing? Go wrap yourself up in a blanket of His word, and let it shine the light on your next step.